The Home Front - Military Times

Friday Fun: Military Lingo Quiz #3

It’s supposed to be tricky, it’s a quiz!

Ahoy!

Yes, this week’s military lingo quiz focuses on words and phrases used by the US Navy.

For this quiz, we are using as the resource expert on Navy lingo the website, Haze Gray & Underway, created and maintained by Andrew Toppan and Jeff Crowell.

The write up on the Navy slang side of the website reads: “Since days of yore the military in general, and sailors in particular, have often had a rather pithy (dare I say ‘tasteless’?) manner of speech. That may be changing somewhat in these politically correct times, but to Bowdlerize the sailor’s language represented here would be to deny its rich history. The traditions and origins remain. While I have attempted to present things with a bit of humor, if you are easily offended this may not be for you. You have been warned.”

Don’t worry, none of “those” words or expressions have been included in this quiz…feel free to reference them all yourself on the Haze Gray & Underway website after the quiz. Now, let’s get started, shall we?

Please note: Bear in mind that some military terms are not exclusive to a certain branch of the Armed Forces. However, the definition given from the resource (in this case, “Haze Gray & Underway”) for that particular branch in the quiz will be considered the correct answer. Correct answers are given at the bottom of the quiz. (No peeking allowed!)
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US NAVY QUIZ

1. When sailors talk about “Amateur Night”, they are referring to:

a) Their first night of inebriation after joining the Navy.
b) A blind date a Navy friend arranged who turned out to be a prude.
c) The day after payday, when nothing seems to go right, especially shipboard evolutions.
d) Middle of the night “man overboard” drills.

2. The Navy expression “Balls to Four” means:

a) We are winning these war games, no sweat.
b) The four to midnight watch.
c) Setting the watch to include only the best qualified in the division.
d) An impromptu health and welfare inspection conducted at 0400.

3. When sailors speak of the “Golden Rivet”, they mean:

a) The moment of officially crossing the Equator on a ship at sea.
b) Earning your first Good Conduct medal.
c) The mythical last rivet which completes a ship.
d) Getting a special commendation from the Commanding Officer.

4. The slang term “Mud Duck” refers to:

a) A shallow water sailor, like the Coast Guard.
b) A Navy ship that has run aground.
c) A special drink of chocolate milk and fish sauce served at CPO initiations.
d) A term used to describe a sailor who has been put on restriction in a liberty port.

5. On a Navy ship, the “FTN Space” is:

a) The Chiefs Mess when it is closed during a formal disciplinary action.
b) A certain berthing area known to contain many complainers and slackers.
c) The place a sailor stands at attention during Captain’s Mast.
d) A hard to reach space or compartment used by sailors to hide from officers or chiefs.

6. When sailors refer to the “Dirty Shirt Wardroom”, they mean:

a) The laundry area of a ship.
b) The engineering spaces.
c) Davy Jones’ locker.
d) A space for officers aboard ship that doesn’t require those who enter to be in the uniform of the day.

7. An “Oolie” on a submarine is:

a) The shower/toilet area.
b) A difficult question that may not be about your duties or one that tests someone’s knowledge to the limit.
c) A seasick sailor.
d) A sonar expert.

8. Speaking in terms of tradition, what does “Piping Hot” mean to sailors?

a) Originally, that the boatswain’s pipe is blowing an “urgent” call.
b) Originally, meals were announced aboard ship by piping or blowing a call on the boatswain’s pipe.
c) Originally, slang for an enlisted man’s date waiting on the pier.
d) Originally, none of the above.

9. In Navy talk, to “Punch Elvis” means:

a) Get so inebriated you need help back to the boat.
b) Show disrespect to a Chief Petty Officer.
c) Taking home another sailor’s wife from a club.
d) To eject.

10. To sailors, a “Rug Dance” is:

a) Waiting for someone to relieve you on watch to use the bathroom.
b) The time spent waiting in the passageway before Captain’s Mast.
c) Quality time spent with a senior officer or CPO, usually in a very one-sided conversation.
d) The trip down the aisle a reluctant to get married sailor takes.

11. The traditional expression “Show a Leg” means:

a) A traditional call made at reveille, it originated in the days of sailing when women were let aboard ship.
b) A traditional way to salute someone who has just been promoted in rank.
c) A traditional Chief’s mess meeting conducted in private in a bar.
d) None of the above.

12. The purpose of “Dogwatches” for sailors is:

a) To be a roving watch around the ship in port.
b) To privately let sailors switch watches for money.
c) To punish sailors by giving everyone onboard a watch at the same time.
d) To let watchstanders eat the evening meal.

13. If a sailor refers to another sailor as “Walter”, it means:

a) A term of affection between long-standing drinking buddies.
b) Someone who always does for himself and never helps others.
c) The other sailor someone is “hot racking” (sharing) a bunk with.
d) All of the above.

14. A “Trim Party” to sailors is:

a) When everyone assigned to a ship is ordered to help paint its exterior at the same time.
b) A private initiation when someone makes Third Class Petty Officer.
c) A prank often pulled on a recently qualified Dive Officer or Chief of the Watch
d) Being assigned to collateral duties that keep you always late or behind in your regular work.

15. To sailors, “Tomachicken” is:

a) A Tomahawk cruise missile.
b) A tuna fish casserole served for chow.
c) A shy, reserved sailor who refuses to approach women in a club.
d) The female offspring of a superior, very much “off limits” socially.

16. When someone on a ship in the Navy refers to the “Teakettle”, they mean:

a) The main galley where the meals are cooked.
b) The place where coffee and tea is made and served.
c) The nuclear engineering plant.
d) None of the above.

17. Traditionally, a “Son of a Gun” in Navy terms is:

a) A son who joins the Navy like his father did.
b) The alternate gunner on the watch.
c) The dupe who is willing to buy everybody drinks, night after night.
d) A male child born or conceived afloat.

18. In the Navy, “Boy Butter” is:

a) Something you can’t talk about in polite conversation.
b) The opposite of putting muscle into a job, a work-related put down.
c) A light tan grease used by weapons types on torpedoes
d) Making obvious compliments to a CPO just to get special privileges.

19. On a Navy ship, “Gawkers, Walkers and Talkers” are:

a) Off-duty personnel.
b) A special inspection team that comes aboard while the ship is at sea.
c) Shipboard surveillance and communication equipment most of the crew knows nothing about.
d) Civilians who gather in a group on the pier for a private tour of a ship.

20. In the Navy, “J.S. Ragman” refers to:

a) The Secretary of Defense.
b) A term describing a Navy dirtbag or screwup member of the crew.
c) The commanding officer.
d) None of the above.

ANSWERS

1. (c) Amateur Night is the day after payday, when nothing seems to go right, especially shipboard evolutions.

2. (b) Balls to Four means the four to midnight watch.

3. (c) Golden Rivet is the mythical last rivet which completes a ship. Generally found in the depths of the engineering spaces, a maneuver used to get a female guest to bend over. “And if you look ‘way down there, you can see the golden rivet!”

4. (a) Mud Duck – Shallow water sailor, e.g. Coast Guard.

5. (d) FTN Space is an obscure, hard-to-get-to space, compartment, or void; used to hide from officers or chiefs. According to legend, some ships have had such spaces which do not show up on the official blueprints at all. Persistent rumors exist of entire, fully-outfitted machinery spaces which do not officially exist on the ship’s drawings.

6. (d) Dirty Shirt Wardroom is a wardroom (officer’s mess and lounge) aboard ship which does not require patrons to be in the uniform of the day, i.e. flight suits or other working uniforms are permitted. The etiquette of the wardroom, which is usually fairly formal, is also relaxed in the dirty shirt wardroom.

7. (b) Oolie - (Submarine) A difficult question that may not pertain to one’s duties, or one that tests one’s system knowledge to the limit. Also seen as Ouly or owly.

8. (b) Piping Hot – Originally, meals were announced aboard ship by piping (blowing a call on the boatswain’s pipe). If a meal is piping hot, it has just been served and is therefore hot.

9. (d) Punch Elvis means to eject.

10. (c) Rug Dance is considered quality time spent with a senior officer or CPO, usually in a very one-sided conversation. Typical topics of discussion include one’s parentage and probable eventual fate. Aka ‘chewing out, butt chewing, etc.’

11. (a) Show a Leg – The traditional call made at reveille, it originated in the days of sail when women were let aboard ship. At reveille, a woman in her hammock would display a leg and thereby was not required to turn out.

12. (d) The purpose of the dogwatches is to permit the watchstanders to eat the evening meal. These watches are said to be “dogged.”

13. (b) Walter – Walter One-Way, the guy who always does for himself, and never helps others.

14. (c) Trim Party is a prank often perpetrated on a newly-qualled Dive Officer or Chief of the Watch, where men and other weights are shifted fore and aft to affect the trim of the boat.

15. (a) Tomachicken is a Tomahawk cruise missile.

16. (c) Teakettle is the nuclear engineering plant.

17. (d) Son of a Gun – Traditionally, a male child born (or conceived) afloat. An archaic term from the days of sail, when crewmen were typically not let ashore for fear of desertion. Women were let aboard (the regulation said “wives”, but this was immediately and widely ignored, or at least winked at), and even carried at sea at times.

18. (c) Boy Butter is a light tan grease used by weapons types on torpedoes.

19. (a) Gawkers, Walkers, and Talkers are off-duty personnel. They can usually be found cluttering up passageways or decks where real work is being done.

20. (b) ‘J.S. Ragman’ is the generic term for Navy dirtbag or screwup. Also seen as ‘J.S. Ragman’. Aka Seaman Jones, Joe/Seaman Schmuckatelli, etc.

How did you do? Next Friday we’ll quiz you on another branch of the Armed Forces…and if you have a quiz of your own like that you’d like to share here, please let me know! Previous quizzes can be accessed through the Blog Archives.

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Yes, you can do it!

Credential:
1 : Something that gives a title to credit or confidence
2 plural : Testimonials showing that a person is entitled to credit or has a right to exercise official power
3 : Certificate, diploma
Merriam Webster Dictionary

If you’re like me (a really nosey so-and-so), you are downright lost in the need to know and know and KNOW. Which is precisely the reason why I decided to take a chance on myself five years ago. I decided to burn the candle at both ends simply to earn some serious Credentials.

Let’s face it, those of us who are married to military members and haven’t earned bona fide credentials of some sort by the time we’re 35, profess to be happy (at the very least, tolerant) of our own career choices as cashiers, daycare providers, retail clerks, secretaries, cooks. Or we’re busy trying not to kick ourselves too hard for not doing more with the free time we had when we had it to elevate our income-producing potential.

It was a mighty big chance I took all those years ago, one that swiftly resembled a pricey risk to the tune of several thousand dollars.

Should you dare take such a chance on yourself while raising a family? Sure, you should, as long as you are willing to work a truckload of overtime hours at your “day” job - in my case, one full time and two part time jobs – to offset the expense. Content, in the meantime, to buy sleep in a gift shop downtown every other Thursday.

According to College is Possible, a public education campaign launched in 1997 in conjunction with the Department of Education and 1200 higher education institutions, 40 percent of American college students (or almost 6 million people) are 25 or older.

Further, the U.S. Department of Education estimates that 90 million individuals participate in some form of adult education each year, including training and basic education offered outside traditional higher education.

The truth is, those of us who want credentials have no option but to achieve them by studying our butts off and paying for them. Dearly. But once we’ve got ‘em – boy, have we got ‘em! Ask our family and friends who will readily attest that we are busy driving everybody crazy with our hard-won knowledge and expertise nearly everywhere we go.

Having enough education is the key to future financial security and prosperity. And don’t say that because you have kids or refuse to work outside the home that you can’t still manage to get more education.
Many are doing it through the computer or via correspondence course. Some have been able to parlay that education into genuine careers - good paying careers - they are able to do strictly from home, if they choose.

Myself, I am continually finding all sorts of new ways to use my education and have even found ways to make money in the process from home. Once my children are raised and out on their own, I’ll go into my field full time. In the meantime, I am able to use what I’ve learned in all sorts of ways right over the home computer.

Socially, I find myself constantly bombarded with questions as a result of my new background as a board-certified nutritionist and holistic health practitioner - questions I can now answer accurately and professionally. Plus, I find there are opportunities all over the place for professionals who choose to earn their degrees from home.

If you’ve been thinking it’s time to get more education, why wait? You owe it to yourself and your family to get started. Even if it’s just a class here or there, a semester or two as time and funds allow, you are still working toward a real goal. And a real future.

And in case anyone is wondering: Yes, we wives and mothers do deserve to better ourselves, personally and professionally. Sometimes we put our own needs so far behind our families’ needs that we don’t realize our own true potential until after our children are grown and gone - or our marriages end in divorce or through unexpected death of a spouse.

For information on education programs and benefits to get you started, click Here

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Thelma’s Thursday Therapy Thought: “Here’s Looking at You”

A dear Navy friend volunteers to join us with some crafty ideas each week!

Hello. My name is Thelma and I am a craft-a-holic. (Everyone say “Hello, Thelma.”)

How are your plants doing?

If you are watering every other day or so, and rotating the bucket, your sunflowers should be nice and straight and getting taller. Your spinach and lettuce have more than two sets of leaves, and your marigolds look like they just may survive.

You do have room to plant more spinach and lettuce. In the spaces between the plants you already have, make five small holes with a pencil, the eraser end.

Put two seeds in each hole and scoot some of the surrounding dirt over that hole. In order to have continuous harvest, you should plant new seeds about every 3 to 4 weeks (I will remind you). Depending on where you live, you could have fresh lettuce and spinach all the way to Thanksgiving.

Now for this week’s project, when you realize that you have about 15 days until Father’s Day. Let’s make something for dad now so that we have time for the glue to dry and to get it into the mail.

You know that your Dad is very proud of you. We know he wouldn’t really say that, except maybe to strangers. He says things like “yeah, my son/daughter is in the (enter your branch here) service.“

Only if prompted would he express any more. But he is so proud of you – off on your own, with a good job, making money, looking sharp and becoming the model citizen he hoped you would be when you were born. So let’s let him know that you know how proud of you he is. And then we won’t have to call home collect. (More collect calls are made on Father’s Day than any other day!!)

Get one of your friends to take a really good picture of you in your dress uniform. You only have to put it on for a few minutes. Use the Medals instead of ribbons. Men shave, women put on some makeup (if you normally wear it). Have your buddy take several shots so you can pick the best one. Get them developed, or printed or whatever, on good paper.

Head on down to the value general dollar store (you know the one), and pick out a nice picture frame, in an appropriate size. Also get a bottle of white school glue (you know the kind I mean) and a few things to glue to the frame.

I like beach shells for Navy and Coast Guard folks, some small stones for Marines and Army folks, and toy planes for Air Force folks. You can find little gizmos in the kid’s section, or for real shopping overload; go to the scrap-booking store. (Thelma’s not allowed there anymore after LOML got the credit card bill, a very dangerous place to shop.) Consider beer caps from exotic ports you’ve visited, marbles, and coins if you feel flush, you get the idea.

Remove the glass and fake picture from the frame and place your items around the edge to get a feel for them. When you are happy with the placement, glue the gizmos to the frame. You will need to hold each one in place for a count of 50 before you glue on the next one. I recommend you let the frame dry overnight before putting your photo into it.

Use the glass to measure where to cut your photo. If there was a mat (a cardboard or heavy paper “frame”) decide if you want to use that or not. Often that depends on the size of the image in the photo. Cut the picture to the size of the glass, along the outside of the glass. Re-assemble the entire apparatus and admire your handiwork. Write a little note to your Dad, something like, “thanks for teaching me to be a good person.” Write what fits for you.

Find some bubble-wrap and put some extra against the glass before you wrap the entire thing. Put it in a box that fits close around your wrapped frame and mail to Dad. If you have moved right along with this project, you should be able to mail by the 8th or 11th of June so he will get it on time (unless you are overseas or at sea, sorry.)

Children should do this with the assistance of Mom or other adult-like person (older sibling at least 15) – that glass is dangerous. Of course they are not in uniform, but a nice photo for dad is always a good thing.

My dad’s favorite saying; “You give your children only two things. One is roots, the other is wings.” He’s so right.

If you have a particular craft you need explained, or you want more info on, please let me know and I can cook something up for you.

Have a question for Thelma? Post them in the “comment” section and she’ll get back to you…feel free to post comments and ideas there, also. More “Thelma’s Thursday Therapy Thoughts” are available in the Blog Archives

{Big Wave} Thanks so much, Thelma…see you next Thursday!

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Freedom phone plans not big comfort for us as war deaths climb

One of the greatest boons to military spouses and their families has to be those “freedom” long distance calling plans that started popping up a couple of years ago.

Now they’re everywhere - even usable over the computer. Yee-ha. We can call and talk endlessly with our loved ones at any hour of the day and night. Thank you, phone gods, thank you!

We really should stand up and cheer for these patriotic corporate types warming seats in their gleaming boardrooms. They could be raking in an ungodly amount of profit from all of us yearning to phone home at least twice every day, simply to hear the comforting voices of our loved ones embedded in Middle America and points beyond. Thankfully, they aren’t.

I think it’s wonderful that we’ve been blessed with the ability to converse freely with our family and friends across the country whenever we want, for as long as we want. We can chatter away for hours without a single thought given to minute-by-minute long distance charges on our home phone bills.

We can call two, five, more than twenty times a day if we want to. These calls aren’t even documented and itemized on our monthly billing statements. Unlimited calling literally means “unlimited” to the three-piece suits who said “Let’s do it!” at our landline phone company, Verizon.

Talk about freedom!

We can spent 30 hours chatting with Mom in Minneapolis, 20 hours conversing with relatives in Chicago, another 10 hours catching up with friends who live in Memphis. All for that one flat fee each month - which costs less than one adult day ticket to Busch Gardens Williamsburg.

Thanks to Verizon’s Freedom Plan, the phones in our home have successfully gone retro, resurrecting that rusty 1980-ish mantra as “the next best thing to being there.”

And yet, there are times when I wish we didn’t even have telephones. Times when I find myself struggling like crazy to convey through that plastic device pressed firmly to my head the profound impact of the war in Iraq and its aftermath as it affects those of us here in Hampton Roads - home of the largest naval base in the world. Especially when I’m talking to civilian friends and family members who live at least 1000 miles away.

I speak, I screech, I passionately try to articulate it all - only to receive in the end a long, expansive nothing in the way of a hopefully anticipated and overwhelmingly needed, “I-understand-and-completely-agree with you!” reply.

We might as well admit it. Those who live in Middle America can’t possibly understand. Their silence during such phone calls clearly reveals that they are far too insulated and isolated, far too unaffected as a whole by the immensity of this thing called “War Over There” as we place phone call after phone call, trying to share our “up close and too personal” experience as members of the military community.

The truth is that friends and family members tucked comfortably away in their own quiet, non-military neighborhoods across America are so physically and emotionally removed from our military presence in the Middle East that they can’t even begin to comprehend the atrocities our deployed service members are coping with. Let alone the profound virtues attached to our own commitment to liberate the Iraqi people in general.

They only know what they see on TV or read in the newspapers. Even though we’ve all learned from experience how reliably inaccurate and emotionally sterile such media accounts can be.

The war is right ‘here’

For the rest of us, the war in Iraq and its aftermath lives nowhere but right here. It beats in our hearts, it devours our thoughts. It sits, day after day, in our own backyards. It joins us at our breakfast tables and goes to school with our children. It comes home every evening as our SUVs pull into the driveway and we sit down in front of the blue-gray glow of the TV in our living rooms to hear how many of “us” were tragically lost in battle today.

After all, we are the ones who comprehend the true weight of duty; we recognize the face of danger and when necessary, the face of death. Especially as the death count has climbed to its highest monthly toll among our service members in Iraq for the first time in 2 1/2 years.

We’ve courageously made the journey from the Persian Gulf War to Somalia, Bosnia, Afghanistan and Iraq. We grieve over fallen sailors and soldiers as if they were our own brothers and sisters. If you think about it, that’s exactly what they are.

We know that, as Americans, we will do whatever it takes to bring justice and freedom to the world by supporting our loved ones, neighbors and friends in uniform who struggle and fight in the Middle East, regardless of what it takes. Our allegiance to them, our faith in them, is all that matters.

We know that Middle America needs to see photos of flag-draped coffins returning from Iraq, if only so that citizens in these communities recognize the true cost of freedom, feels the sting of reality, comprehending that mothers and fathers, husbands and wives, have made the ultimate sacrifice in service to our country for all the right reasons.

An email that continues to circulate the internet written by 1st Lt. Robert L. Nofsinger, USMC, while stationed in Ramadi, Iraq, says it all:

“Freedom is not free and peace without principles is not peace,” he wrote. “The peace that so-called ‘peace advocates’ support can only be brought to Iraq through the military.

We are doing that, if only the world will let us! If the American people believe we are failing, even if we are not, then we will ultimately fail.

Become a voice of truth in your community. Wherever you are, fight the lies of the enemy. Don’t buy into the pessimism and apathy that says, “It’s hopeless,” “They hate us too much,” “That part of the world is just too messed up,” “It’s our fault anyway,” “We’re to blame,” and so forth.

Whether you’re working at a 9-5 job, retired, or a stay-at-home mom you can make a huge difference! There is nothing more powerful than the truth. When you watch the news and see doomsday predictions and spiteful opinions on our efforts over here, you can refute them by knowing that we are doing a tremendous amount of good.

Spread the word. No one is poised to make such an amazing contribution to the everyday lives of Iraqis and the rest of the Arab world than the American Armed Forces. By making this a place where liberty can finally grow, we are making the whole world safer.

Your efforts at home are directly tied to our success. You are the soldiers at home fighting the war of perception. So I’m asking you as a fellow fighting man to do your duty. Stop the attempts of the enemy wherever you are. You are a mighty force for good, because truth is on your side. Together we will win this fight and ensure a better world for the future.”

You can help

Caring really is the next best thing to ‘being there.’ Freedom phone plans might fall short in the comfort department for us here, but there are still things we can do to help the troops through these difficult times.

If you’d like to help do something proactive for the troops and the war effort, get involved with cell phone donations for the troops by contacting Cell Phones for Soldiers. Help Veterans of Foreign Wars organizations provide phone cards to military personnel through Operation Uplink To learn more about helping deployed/wounded American soldiers and to contact/support troops personally, contact Operation Band Aid.

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Cindy Sheehan Officially Quits Fighting the War

I have to admit, I was surprised when I read last night on AOL internet news that Cindy Sheehan, the mother of a fallen Army soldier who staged a widely publicized anti-war protest outside of President Bush’s ranch in 2005 and passionately protested the war ever since, has decided to hang up her banners and go home.

After Bush responded to Sheehan’s makeshift camp telling reporters on August 11 of that year, “I sympathize with Mrs. Sheehan. I’ve thought long and hard about her position. I’ve heard her position from others, which is, ‘Get out of Iraq now.’ It would be a mistake for the security of this country,” Sheehan fought even harder to bring an end to the war.

Now, all she wants is to be a mother to her surviving children and regain some of what she believes she lost since her son, Army Spc. Casey Sheehan, 24, was killed in an ambush in Baghdad in 2004.

The story reads:

She said she sacrificed a 29-year marriage and endured threats to put all her energy into stopping the war. What she found, she wrote, was a movement “that often puts personal egos above peace and human life.”

She said the most devastating conclusion she had reached “was that Casey did indeed die for nothing … killed by his own country which is beholden to and run by a war machine that even controls what we think.”

Sheehan told the AP that she had considered leaving the peace movement since last summer while recovering from surgery.

She decided on Memorial Day to step down and spend more time with her three other children. She said she was returning to California on Tuesday because it was Casey’s birthday. He would have been 28.

I find it ironic and a little bit sad that so many are interpreting her decision to step down as the “face of the American peace movement” as closely attached to the waning lack of interest by the media that once kept her front and center in the news.

As a mother myself, I can’t believe the sarcastic title of Sheehan’s own “letter of resignation” - Good Riddance Attention Whore - is true. I personally think she has at long last come to grips and found peace with her own once-overwhelming sense of grief and loss over the death of her son.

My own son, Casey, preparing to graduate from Navy boot camp in nine days, once remarked in our own conversation about making the ultimate sacrifice as a sailor or a soldier, “Nobody realizes how much freedom costs until you see how high the price is.”

I feel sure that Cindy’s son, a highly committed Humvee mechanic who re-enlisted in 2003, knowing he may quite likely have to use what the Army taught him to defend his country and fight for freedom elsewhere in the world, fully understood one of the most meaningful tenets of military service: “Freedom is never free.”

I found the following posted by Peter of Kansas on FallenHeroesMemorial.com honoring Army Spc. Casey Sheehan who died in Iraq on April 4, 2004:

“Trust God, believe in your son and honor his sacrifice. He was a very noble and honorable man who answered a higher calling…something greater than all of us.”

Hopefully, one day his mother will believe this, too.

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From the Home Front Email Bag

You’d think the majority of questions I find in my E-mailbox from day to day would revolve exclusively around military issues, wouldn’t you?

Not so. The largest percentage of the questions that have thus far been shot at me from active duty members and their spouses from the four corners of the Internet generally fall into the following category: Anything and Everything.

Because so many have asked what I receive in the way of email from other people, here is a sampling of the more unique questions I’ve had to confront since the blog started:
———————-
“Okay, you think you’re so smart. What do YOU consider to be the most important lesson we can ever learn in life?”

Honestly? A real no-brainer, I think. Learning how to be alone and still be able to be happy. And that’s not just for military spouses - it’s a big lesson we all need to learn in life.

Think about it: So many among us have absolutely no clue how to survive a month, let alone a year, two years, an entire four-year enlistment on our own.

New military membors dash out of their “A” school right after boot camp and marry a hometown sweetheart just to keep themselves from having to be alone. Or they clutch at available partners in the clubs and at parties as if they were life preservers when a relationship breaks up.

Our military community is hugely co-dependent when you consider how terrified we are of that word “Alone.” And yet, once we are able to conquer our own fears about being alone, we empower ourselves in such a way that we’ll never feel lonely again.
———————-
“Help! My new in-laws are coming to visit and I don’t even know how to turn on the oven in our apartment. We literally live out of the microwave. Where do I sign up for last-minute cooking lessons, Debi?”

Forget the lessons and the microwave. Invest instead in a nice big crockpot - the most versatile appliance to come out of the ‘70’s.

Did you know you can make everything from a full breakfast to Italian pizza for lunch and even a stuffed Thanksgiving turkey for dinner with a cake for dessert in that amazing invention? You can. It’s downright fool-proof. Search the internet for an avalanche of tasty, original crockpot recipes. You’ll never feel helpless in the kitchen again.

The best part is your in-laws will really enjoy the fact that you’ve made a home-cooked meal. You’ll love how easy it is to put together nice meals that are practically child’s play. You can’t go wrong with a crockpot and a versatile collection of recipes. Bon appetit!
———————-
“How can I get my wife to stop cheating on me during deployment? I’ve tried everything, from being the perfect husband and father, to giving her everything she wants.”

Sorry, but there is no way to make a spouse stop cheating. If he/she is too insecure or immature for marriage or suffers from sex addiction, all you can do is decide what’s right for you - ultimately walking away from this dysfunctional relationship, if necessary. The longer you stay, you only enable your spouse to continue her/his infidelity.

It’s really important that our relationships get started on the right foot and that they stay on the right foot. Whirlwind romances can be incredibly passionate experiences but don’t really give us time to get to know each other well enough to make a big decision like marriage. Online romantic relationships can be just as iffy.

Take time to get to know each other, don’t rush things. And watch out for friends. They can be some of the most well-meaning people in the world and they can also be some of the most devious. I can’t tell you the number of military wives who sat drinking coffee at my table and feigned friendship to me over the years, yet they were only interested in trying to initiate affairs with my husband. Some succeeded. As you might expect, that marriage did not last.

So be careful, the relationships you make with those outside of your home hold a tremendous amount of power over us - if we let them.
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“I don’t have a perfect body and I’m in need of a bathing suit for an upcoming family vacation. Do you have any suggestions on how I can buy one that will look semi-decent?

Start by giving up the search for a bargain store swimsuit. Discount house retailers don’t sell swimsuits designed for the less-than-perfect body. They peddle cheaply designed swimsuits, period.

Visit more exclusive shops in your area or do research with current fashion magazines to learn what is the best construction and design in a designer swimsuit. You can also shop online with “designer swimsuits” as your search words.

Why go to such trouble? High-end swimwear stores like Everything But Water, internet websites selling designer ready to wear, sell swimsuits designed to make those of us with imperfect bodies look really good. They will sell you a swimsuit that’s a scientifically-engineered tummy-tucker, buttocks-squeezer and bosom builder for approximately $100 - $150.

Oh, and don’t forget to check the clearance sections on and offline. They can be a gold mine in savings for the right sizes. I picked up a real honey of a suit for less than $50 on the clearance rack. Happy hunting!
———————-
“My wife and I are attending a command party and don’t know what the dress code is. How do we dress so that we don’t make fools of ourselves?

You don’t have to wear oxfords and shroud yourself in black on black from head to foot, but for heavens’ sake, if the party is held in a classy, upscale atmosphere, don’t show up looking as if you just left Hooter’s during halftime.

By the same token, don’t stroll in decked out in an outfit that looks as if you earned a hundred bucks streetwalking downtown on your way over, either. In other words, use common sense when selecting attire for a command get-together. What you wear, after all, says a lot about you - personally and professionally - particularly when you are out of uniform in public among your military peers and superiors.

Should you accidentally overdress, you can always excuse that tux with tails or flowing Scarlet O’Hara gown by fibbing, “We’re on our way to a formal wedding reception (or whatever) across town,” making an appropriate exit an hour or so later.

If, on the other hand, you’ve grossly under-dressed, you might as well face it - you have no excuse and everybody knows it.

Here are some extra business party tips to help you out. Good luck!
———————-
Got a question or something on your chest? An opinion you’re just bursting to express? Maybe you’d simply like to share a slice of life from your own little corner of the world?

If so, here’s the place to do it! Tell me about yourself, your life, what matters most to you or what your dilemma is that you’d like me and other Home Front bloggers to help you with. Click here Send Debi Email. It’s that easy!

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Memorial Day isn’t only about those who lost their lives in war

Joe Watson, a handsome, young sailor in summer whites, is no stranger to my kitchen.

Despite moves to eight different homes in the last 20 years, the image of this sailor fresh out of boot camp, embracing his mother with a monstruous smile on his face, hasn’t missed a single day adorning the front of our refrigerator.

Over those years, written messages courtesy of my sons and artwork the preschool “Picassos” my daycare kids create with crayons and finger paints - roughly sketched dinosaurs, landscapes of Mars, painstakingly created “Miss Debi” caricatures in varying hues of green, red and blue - have occasionally shrouded this image captured on Kodak paper of one of the dearest Navy friends I’ve ever had.

If it isn’t me, it’s Lance, one of my sons, who very carefully goes about the task of moving the drawings aside, re-positioning a conglomeration of refrigerator magnets so that Joe’s picture continues to remain in full view.

Lance knows how important that picture is, freezing forever a precious moment in time between a mother and son in Orlando, Florida. A picture Joe’s mother sent us six weeks after his death begging us not to forget her son.

EWSN Joseph Watson lost his life on the USS Stark FFG-31 in the Persian Gulf on May 17, 1987. Two Exocet missiles from an Iraqi figher jet hit the Stark, killing him and 36 of his shipmates. There was no time for goodbyes. No time for final embraces. No priceless moments set aside for words that needed to be said before mothers and fathers buried their sons across America soon after Mother’s Day that year.

In one, swift, decisive moment, these sailors were simply…gone.

Keeping that photo of Joe in a place where we and those who enter our home are sure to see it has been extremely important to me. The instant a visitor asks, “Who’s the Navy guy on your refrigerator?” it’s a new opportunity for me to affectionately reminisce about a 24-year-old sailor from Michigan killed in a far off place and time and yet still manages to draw breath everyday since that tragedy through our own constant remembrance of him.

A sailor I’ve had numerous re-occurring dreams of over the years, sitting on a park bench beside me saying, “I haven’t gone anywhere. I’m right here with you and always will be, Deb, as long as you still remember.”

Remember? How in the world could I ever forget?

The morning of October 12, 2000, I was busy tending to diaper changes and refereeing, “He hit me first!” tussles between the military children I provide daycare for, completely unaware that half a world away the lives of 17 sailors had been suddenly taken in a bomb attack on the USS Cole DDG-67. A friend who works at one of the local shipyards called that morning and said, “Put the news on. We just got word here in the office that one of our ships has been hit.”

At first, I was stunned. Totally shocked speechless. Immediately after the CNN broadcast I tuned into, I sat with several of my active duty daycare mothers and we wept together. It was, in many respects, the Stark tragedy revisited for me, thirteen years later.

Watching days later the Honor Guard ceremony televised live from Germany when the bodies of five of the sailors killed on the Cole were on their way home, I couldn’t begin to comprehend how anyone ever finds the strength to bury those whose lives have been stolen by such senseless acts of terrorism.

But what about the loss of so many other lives, those who never had the chance to fulfill their dreams of serving their country, the ones who were on active duty and lost their lives in fatal accidents or as victims of crime?

For instance, Adam Lee Hall, a second class petty officer who was assigned to the USS Carl Vinson CVN-70, shot and killed in his apartment a year ago less than three miles from where I live in Norfolk. His killer has yet to be brought to justice. Somehow Hall’s mother, the family and friends of this young sailor have been able to courageously put one foot in front of the other and continue living. Somehow they deal with the lack of closure where Adam’s death is concerned, their own intense grief on a daily basis.

These are the ones who also deserve just as much remembrance on Memorial Day - from all branches of the armed forces - each and every one of them.

Over the years, I’ve deeply regretted words I never had the chance to say to Joe, the long-distance messages he left on our answering machine that year which tragically went unreturned because we were too busy, too seemingly caught up with the details of everyday life.

The last letter he wrote us just weeks prior to his death with a cute, little drawing of himself inserted into it as “Joe Squid” clinging to the string of a balloon that read: “I love the Navy,” a letter we neglected to respond to - until it was too late.

This negligence on my part to remember deployment isn’t always just-another uneventful “Med run”, falling into the trap of the sweetest of false lullabyes, “we can always catch up with each other later, when there’s more time” is a private hell filled with regret I know I will suffer for the rest of my life.

Military personnel put themselves in harm’s way constantly. We, as family members and those closely connected with the military, grapple with and in some fashion or another, understand or at the very least, strive to achieve our own sense of acceptance of this harsh fact of military life all the time.

Still, tragically, it seems to take a serious reality check such as the attack on the Stark or the Cole, the war in Iraq or Afghanistan, a fatal accident or a crime committed for us to fully appreciate how servicemembers courageously allow themselves to be at risk in the line of duty, and at times, lose their lives in the process.

Just as tragically, we often leave “for another day” those words and gestures, expressions of faith, gratitude and love that should never, ever be set aside for some other time when we think we’ll have the time.

When is that time? Ask those who grieve the loss of their loved ones in uniform this Memorial Day. They know there isn’t one, any more.

If someone out there needs to hear from you, pick up the phone. Make that call. Not tomorrow, not next week. Log off your computer and place that call right now.

If you’ve hurt someone who needs to hear you say, “I’m sorry,” get those words said. It doesn’t matter whether that apology is accepted or not. You’ll know in your heart you did the right thing.

If you’ve shunned someone in your neighborhood, work center or social group because of cultural, moral or other differences, reach beyond those differences. Bring that individual back into your “military family” you are so proud to be a part of. Welcome and accept them. They need you.

If you’ve lost touch with a family member or a very close friend, you have nothing to lose and everything to gain by contacting them simply to say, “I miss you.” Forget what caused you to grow apart. Let this moment be the only meaningful one - the moment that brings you back together.

And military members, tell your spouses, your significant others, your children, how much you treasure and appreciate them every chance you get. Loved ones, do the same. You couldn’t possibly say those three words, “I love you,” enough.

All we really have, when you think about it, is this moment to seize and embrace. Don’t waste it. Cherish it. Make the most of it. Some of us foolishly squandered that moment and will spend the rest of our lives paying a very high and painful price for it.

Learn from us and our own tragic mistakes. That tomorrow you look to and rely on to be there for you may not ever come.

As Harriet Beecher Stowe said, “The bitterest tears shed over graves are for words left unsaid and deeds left undone.” Don’t let that statement define you or your regret this Memorial Day.

I know I won’t - ever again.

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A Master Chief’s Memorial Day Remembrance

Greetings to all!

As you know, this is a weekend traditionally dedicated to remembering shipmates, comrades in arms or however you choose to personally refer to those who have passed away. Most have made the ultimate sacrifice while safe-guarding our country, others were good friends in uniform who will live on in our hearts and memories forever.

The one I will never forget is STGCM Jack Carr - or as he was affectionately known as “Mad Jack”. He was the epitome of what a MASTER CHIEF should be. One of the reasons I remember Jack so well is because he was the one that initiated me into the world of the “Chief’s Mess”. He was friend, a confidante, a steaming buddy, and of course, a fellow Chief.

The biggest reason Mad Jack will always stick in my mind is not because he paid for his time on earth and lost his life far too soon, it’s that he passed away so close to this weekend for a reason that only the MCPON in the sky knows.

Jack died suddenly at a pool party at his house one week after the Memorial Day weekend. Cooking at the Barbie just before he decided to dive into his pool, he suffered a massive heart attack while in the pool.

My friend Jack was buried with honors at Arlington National Cemetery in Arlington, Virginia. My family and I will make our annual pilgrimage to Arlington this weekend to stop by and spend some time visiting with Jack.

While we are there we will visit with many of our shipmates that have gone before us notables as JFK, Audie Murphy, the crew from the USS Stark, those from the USS Cole, and many thousands more.

While visiting all of these friends and shipmates we will sit down and have a snack and a toast to their memory, a moment of silence that gives each of us a time to reflect on these wonderful individuals, plus new arrivals.

My wish for the next year is that we will not have many new arrivals to these hallowed grounds. I have buried far too many good friends and shipmates over the years and I don’t wish to have to bury any more.

My heart goes out to all of the families of those who have paid with their lives this year and in years past for the freedoms we have to enjoy so easily and freely today.

Please take a moment to remember your own precious friends and family members in uniform who fought the good fight during their time here with us on earth.

May God bless all of you and keep you safe this holiday weekend,

Master Chief out

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Some Friday Fun: Military Lingo Quiz #2

It’s supposed to be tricky, it’s a quiz!

Hooah!

I’ll bet you can guess which branch of service this week’s military lingo quiz involves. That’s right, the US Army.

For this quiz, we are using as the resource manual the book titled, Embrace the Suck: A Pocket Guide to Milspeak which was compiled and introduced by Col. Austin Bay.

The write up on the manual reads: “Col. Austin Bay is an Iraq war vet, renowned blogger, syndicated columnist, novelist, radio commentator. No writer is more respected on military matters. Now Col. Bay has turned his talents toward creating this first dictionary of ‘Milspeak’ - the soldier’s argot that is rich in irony, brutally efficient in conveying the immediacy and dangers of warfare, and can be a shorthand way for separating combat soldiers from fobbits.”

(Fobbits? You can bet that one is on the quiz.)

Let’s get started, shall we?

Please note: Bear in mind that some military terms are not exclusive to a certain branch of the Armed Forces. However, the definition given from the resource (in this case, “Embrace the Suck”) for that particular branch in the quiz will be considered the correct answer. Correct answers are given at the bottom of the quiz. (No peeking allowed!)
__________________

US ARMY QUIZ

1. If you use the term “ranger candy,” you are referring to:

a) Having sweet potatoes for dinner
b) The nickname given to the new soldier added to a Special Forces team.
c) An 800-milligram Motrin (ibuprofen) pill.
d) An easy mission; like “it’s a piece of cake.”

2. What does the term “Air Force Mittens” mean?

a) Gloves that are worn while piloting a plane.
b) Slang for pockets. Gloves have fingers. Pockets, like mittens, do not.
c) Girls who hang out with pilots and hang on them like groupies.
d) A famous squadron name that only goes to the best of the best.

3. What does it mean when you go to the “John Wayne Driving School”?

a) Paying for special driving lessons because you keep failing the test
b) Going to horse training at the cavalry academy for drill and ceremony
c) You get a ticket every time you drive a government vehicle
d) Banging up a Humvee in the process of teaching new soldiers to drive it.

4. The phrase “All-American Decoy” indicates:

a) A guard posted out in the open.
b) A streetwalker waiting outside of a foreign Army base
c) An Iraqi wearing an Army uniform
d) A soldier who does something foolish on the battlefield

5. When the term “fobbits” is used, it refers to:

a) Short soldiers resembling hobbits with the letter “f” attached to stand for a well-known expletive (yes, that one).
b) Personnel who drive cargo trucks with the words “Freight OnBoard” painted on them.
c) A derogatory term that means soldiers who never leave a forward operations base.
d) None of the above.

6. If you are “embracing the suck” it means:

a) Receiving constant verbal abuse from superior members of the Army.
b) Getting nothing but dirty, degrading assignments
c) Stop Loss is in effect and you aren’t able to go home as planned.
d) The situation is bad, but deal with it

7. When someone refers to “Semper Knife”, it means:

a) Great job we did in combat today.
b) A twist on Semper Fi, indicating backstabbing.
c) Losing well-deserved time off because some additional work needs to be done.
d) Missing out on a night’s sleep because your guard duty relief didn’t show up.

8. When you refer to a “pig looking at a wristwatch”, you mean:

a) An inexperienced soldier has just joined your unit
b) The girl your buddy is flirting with at that moment has an Army boyfriend he doesn’t know about
c) Slang for “The new sergeant is a bad supervisor.”
d) Someone wearing a dumbfounded look.

9. An “airman alignment tool” is:

a) A chiropractor who takes referrals from the doctors at the post clinic.
b) A bar girl known not to be very choosy at closing time.
c) Any tool that can be used to beat the (bleep) out of someone.
d) None of the above.

10. When a soldier refers to “another Fallujah”, he or she means:

a) There is no action here.
b) A screwed-up place crawling with bad guys.
c) Equipment is breaking faster than it can be fixed.
d) A specific field training exercise that involves heavy urban fighting.

11. If you take a “turkey peek” it means:

a) You are taking an exam and cheating with notes pinned to your uniform.
b) Using night vision goggles to see a target on the rifle range.
c) Sneaking a look at a female soldier’s legs
d) Glancing around or over an object or surface, such as a corner or wall.

12. A place that is called “Marineland” means:

a) Slang for Iraq’s Anbar province, which is mainly patrolled by Marines
b) A bar or establishment that is frequented mainly by Marines
c) Slang for a Marine base
d) A patrol boundary recognized by Marines conducting car bomb searches.

13. When is it “Groundhog Day” when you are a soldier?:

a) When you unexpectedly receive your annual uniform allowance in your paycheck.
b) A special command holiday where everbody is told to scatter immediately after morning formation.
c) A formal personnel inspection conducted by the Command Sergeant Major.
d) Every day of your tour in Iraq.

14. When you refer to the “Advanced Echelon”, you mean:

a) A group of dignitaries who will spend the day touring an Army battalion.
b) A unit’s first group on the ground in theater.
c) A brigadier general and his entourage.
d) The out-of-arena compound where electronic communications are established with ground troops.

15. To soldiers, angels are:

a) Soldiers wounded in combat who die in a military hospital while undergoing care.
b) Red Cross females who are sent on humanitarian missions to impoverished regions to offer aid.
c) Young refugees of war
d) Beautiful single women who frequent the base clubs looking for romance.

16. To soldiers, a “beltway clerk” is:

a) The soldier designated to drive personnel to and from the airport in a government vehicle on duty weekends.
b) A slang term for anyone who spends their active duty career behind a desk.
c) The soldier assigned to keeping track of moving violations among personnel who get citations from civilian police.
d) A slang term for a Washington political representative or someone who trades on his supposed political connections.

17. When the acronym “FUBIJAR” is used, it means:

a) That Iraqi soldier is a walking disaster, don’t give him any responsibility.
b) Fill’er Up Brother I’m Just About Ripped - request for more to drink.
c) A play on FUBAR. F(ouled) Up, But I’m Just A Reservist.
d) None of the above.

18. When you refer to someone as “Ali Baba”, you mean:

a) Slang for anyone from the Middle East.
b) Slang for enemy forces.
c) Slang for someone who is behaving stupidly.
d) All of the above.

19. When the word “MARINES” is used by soldiers it means

a) That “other” branch of the Armed Forces as being inept and clumsy.
b) Guys who are able to get any girl they want in the bar because they use their Marine Corps manners.
c) Mangy Animal Rockheads Introducing Never Ending Stupidity
d) Many Americans Running Into Never Ending S(bleep)

20. The initials “AZ” stand for:

a) Passing a special obstacle course that includes simulated air and ground warfare noted in a soldier’s service record.
b) Alpha Zulu - a salutation used between troops in a combat zone
c) Abbreviation for Al-Qaeda’s former Iraqi “emir” Abu Musab al-Zarqawi.
d) All Zones (Clear) or (Not clear) depending on which radio signal is sent.

ANSWERS

1. (c) Ranger candy is an 800-milligram Motrin (ibuprofen) pill.

2. (b) Air Force Mittens: Slang for pockets. Gloves have fingers. Pockets, like mittens, do not.

3. (d) John Wayne Driving School is banging up a Humvee in the process of teaching new soldiers to drive it.

4. (a) All-American Decoy: A guard posted out in the open. “We’ve got a team in the building, and an all-American decoy outside.”

5. (c) Fobbits: Derogatory term for soldiers who never leave a FOB (Forward Operations Base).

6. (d) Embrace the suck”: Translation: The situation is bad, but deal with it

7. (b) Semper Knife is yet another twist on Semper Fi. It means “back- stabbing.”

8. (d) “Pig looking at a wristwatch”: Slang for a dumbfounded look. (”Stop looking at that mop like a pig looking at a wristwatch, and clean the floor.”)

9. (c) An airman alignment tool is any tool that can be used to beat the (bleep) out of someone. Specifically, a breaker bar.

10. (b) The term, “another Fallujah” means a screwed-up place crawling with bad guys.

11. (d) Turkey peek: To glance around or over an object or surface, such as a corner or wall.

12. (a) Marineland is slang for Iraq’s Anbar province, which is largely patrolled by U.S. Marines

13. (d) Groundhog Day: Every day of your tour in Iraq. Terms suggests the days never change—always long and hot, and the same events keep recurring. From the Bill Murray movie Groundhog Day.

14. (b) Advanced Echelon: A unit’s first group on the ground in theater. Usually led by the unit executive officer (XO) and has a lot of loggies (logistics personnel).

15: (a) Angels: are soldiers who die in a military hospital while undergoing care.

16. (d) Beltway clerk: A derisive term for a Washington political operative or civilian political hatchet man—in other words, someone who trades on his supposed political connections. May refer to so-called “Washington defense experts” who have never served in the armed forces.

17. (c) FUBIJAR: A play on FUBAR. F(ouled) Up, But I’m Just A Reservist. A sarcastic jab by a reservist at criticism from a regular.

18. (b) Ali Baba: Slang for enemy forces. Originated in the first Gulf War but can mean a terrorist or enemy in CENTCOM area.

19. (d) The wry definition is “Many Americans Running Into Never Ending S***.”

20. (c) AZ: Abbreviation for Al-Qaeda’s former Iraqi “emir” Abu Musab al-Zarqawi. Used when the f-(bleep) was alive.

How did you do? Next Friday we’ll quiz you on another branch of the Armed Forces…and if you have a quiz of your own like that you’d like to share here, please let me know!

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Thelma’s Thursday Therapy Thought

A dear Navy friend volunteers to join us with some crafty ideas each week!

Hello. My name is Thelma and I am a craft-a-holic. (Everyone say, “Hello, Thelma!!)

How are your seedlings? If you planted right away (Friday or Saturday), you should have a mess of sprouts now. Good for you. Let’s thin them. For me this is the hard part, a little bit like murder. But it is much better for the plants.

If you planted as I described: the sunflowers in the X (or plus + when you rotate the bucket) and the smiley face veggies and the big circle of marigolds, you most likely have a tangle of sprouts in those designs. You should thin down to five sunflowers – just one in the center, and one on each end of the X or +.

Thin the smiley face veggies to 4 around the circle (3, 6, 9, and 12 on the clock) and one each for eyes nose and mouth. Leave two marigolds between each of the sunflowers at the end. Water every other day and keep rotating the bucket to get them all to grow straight.

The spinach and lettuce seedlings are edible. You may now sit back and admire your handiwork. I suggest you write down how much growth you see each day. Those sunflowers should really take off in about a week.

Now for today’s therapy. How about a Zen-style meditation garden? And we can bring this in for real cheap.

You’ll need a container with sides on it – I like a small cake pan from the value dollar general store. (Or the lid to a pizza box, the top to the shoe box, a hat box lid if you like round, you get the idea) Also there you can find child’s garden or beach implements – a rake, a small shovel and a hoe, though all you really need is the rake.

While at this gold mine, find perhaps a plastic tree, maybe a very small umbrella. If not at the value dollar general store, try your Exchange, or the super-mega sam-like mart (you know what I am talking about, I just don’t want to appear to endorse any particular place). Look in the kid’s section, the garden section, or the fish tank supplies!! Get a roll of tin foil, the smallest roll you can buy (25 feet is usually the small size.)

You will want some sand, or gravel (enough to put one inch deep in your container). You can pick up a handful from either the beach, or a few sandboxes at the park/recreation area. Gravel can be found in parking lots. If you scavenge for free stuff, you will want to wash it first. (Think cats and kids, tires, trash, you get the picture.) While collecting bits of nature, find a few small rocks or stones for accent pieces.

A few hints here for washing “found” sand and gravel. This works for me. Put sand/gravel in pan or bucket or other suitable container - no holes. Cover sand about 5 inches with water (any temp, not too hot), Swish the water and sand mix around a few minutes, and let sit about 3 to 5. Gently pour off the gunky water. Do this enough times that the water pours off clear-ish, and the sand/gravel looks pretty clean. The big pieces will fall back down to the sand at first, you can pick them off.

The last time I did this (I give these gardens as gifts) I poured the water and sand over a cloth lined seive (collander) for the final rinse. I also dried the sand in that cloth. Use a tightly woven cloth, like an old tee shirt, and still some of the sand will get through. I don’t recommend doing this in the head on the ship. The (there is no better term, sorry) turd chasers won’t like you getting sand in their pipes. And it takes at least a day to dry the sand, depending on your atmospheric conditions.

You CAN buy play sand, or aquarium sand. Play sand usually comes in HUGE bags. I actually owned one once, as I was gifting these a lot. Now I go to the park - I’m cheap.

Line your box with the tin foil to make it water and bug proof. If you use a big enough piece of foil, you can bring it up and around to cover your “garden” when not using it, to protect from disaster.

Fill with your cleaned sand or gravel, hopefully to about an inch. Place your decorative touches in the sand and move the sand so that the decorations rest on the bottom of your container.
Use your rake to smooth the sand around your decorations.

This is the Zen part: You will find that as you rake, you will make lines in the sand. These can be simple lines or curves, figure 8s, crossed lines, whatever you can think of. You can spend hours moving the sand around, changing the position of the decorations.

Many Zen gardens have the stones raked into lines around the rocks so that they look like pond surface ripples. You will find that this is not as easy as you might think.

CAUTION: If you find that you are spending hours at a time raking your sand, set a timer away from you so you have to get up to turn it off. Cover your sand and walk away. Make sure you keep up with your quals, your homework, your job and family.

Have a question for Thelma? Post them in the “comment” section and she’ll get back to you…feel free to post comments and ideas there, also.

{Big Wave} Thanks so much, Thelma…see you next Thursday!

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