From the Home Front Email Bag
Posted by debi on May 29th, 2007 filed in Scuttlebutt
You’d think the majority of questions I find in my E-mailbox from day to day would revolve exclusively around military issues, wouldn’t you?
Not so. The largest percentage of the questions that have thus far been shot at me from active duty members and their spouses from the four corners of the Internet generally fall into the following category: Anything and Everything.
Because so many have asked what I receive in the way of email from other people, here is a sampling of the more unique questions I’ve had to confront since the blog started:
———————-
“Okay, you think you’re so smart. What do YOU consider to be the most important lesson we can ever learn in life?”
Honestly? A real no-brainer, I think. Learning how to be alone and still be able to be happy. And that’s not just for military spouses - it’s a big lesson we all need to learn in life.
Think about it: So many among us have absolutely no clue how to survive a month, let alone a year, two years, an entire four-year enlistment on our own.
New military membors dash out of their “A” school right after boot camp and marry a hometown sweetheart just to keep themselves from having to be alone. Or they clutch at available partners in the clubs and at parties as if they were life preservers when a relationship breaks up.
Our military community is hugely co-dependent when you consider how terrified we are of that word “Alone.” And yet, once we are able to conquer our own fears about being alone, we empower ourselves in such a way that we’ll never feel lonely again.
———————-
“Help! My new in-laws are coming to visit and I don’t even know how to turn on the oven in our apartment. We literally live out of the microwave. Where do I sign up for last-minute cooking lessons, Debi?”
Forget the lessons and the microwave. Invest instead in a nice big crockpot - the most versatile appliance to come out of the ‘70’s.
Did you know you can make everything from a full breakfast to Italian pizza for lunch and even a stuffed Thanksgiving turkey for dinner with a cake for dessert in that amazing invention? You can. It’s downright fool-proof. Search the internet for an avalanche of tasty, original crockpot recipes. You’ll never feel helpless in the kitchen again.
The best part is your in-laws will really enjoy the fact that you’ve made a home-cooked meal. You’ll love how easy it is to put together nice meals that are practically child’s play. You can’t go wrong with a crockpot and a versatile collection of recipes. Bon appetit!
———————-
“How can I get my wife to stop cheating on me during deployment? I’ve tried everything, from being the perfect husband and father, to giving her everything she wants.”
Sorry, but there is no way to make a spouse stop cheating. If he/she is too insecure or immature for marriage or suffers from sex addiction, all you can do is decide what’s right for you - ultimately walking away from this dysfunctional relationship, if necessary. The longer you stay, you only enable your spouse to continue her/his infidelity.
It’s really important that our relationships get started on the right foot and that they stay on the right foot. Whirlwind romances can be incredibly passionate experiences but don’t really give us time to get to know each other well enough to make a big decision like marriage. Online romantic relationships can be just as iffy.
Take time to get to know each other, don’t rush things. And watch out for friends. They can be some of the most well-meaning people in the world and they can also be some of the most devious. I can’t tell you the number of military wives who sat drinking coffee at my table and feigned friendship to me over the years, yet they were only interested in trying to initiate affairs with my husband. Some succeeded. As you might expect, that marriage did not last.
So be careful, the relationships you make with those outside of your home hold a tremendous amount of power over us - if we let them.
———————-
“I don’t have a perfect body and I’m in need of a bathing suit for an upcoming family vacation. Do you have any suggestions on how I can buy one that will look semi-decent?
Start by giving up the search for a bargain store swimsuit. Discount house retailers don’t sell swimsuits designed for the less-than-perfect body. They peddle cheaply designed swimsuits, period.
Visit more exclusive shops in your area or do research with current fashion magazines to learn what is the best construction and design in a designer swimsuit. You can also shop online with “designer swimsuits” as your search words.
Why go to such trouble? High-end swimwear stores like Everything But Water, internet websites selling designer ready to wear, sell swimsuits designed to make those of us with imperfect bodies look really good. They will sell you a swimsuit that’s a scientifically-engineered tummy-tucker, buttocks-squeezer and bosom builder for approximately $100 - $150.
Oh, and don’t forget to check the clearance sections on and offline. They can be a gold mine in savings for the right sizes. I picked up a real honey of a suit for less than $50 on the clearance rack. Happy hunting!
———————-
“My wife and I are attending a command party and don’t know what the dress code is. How do we dress so that we don’t make fools of ourselves?
You don’t have to wear oxfords and shroud yourself in black on black from head to foot, but for heavens’ sake, if the party is held in a classy, upscale atmosphere, don’t show up looking as if you just left Hooter’s during halftime.
By the same token, don’t stroll in decked out in an outfit that looks as if you earned a hundred bucks streetwalking downtown on your way over, either. In other words, use common sense when selecting attire for a command get-together. What you wear, after all, says a lot about you - personally and professionally - particularly when you are out of uniform in public among your military peers and superiors.
Should you accidentally overdress, you can always excuse that tux with tails or flowing Scarlet O’Hara gown by fibbing, “We’re on our way to a formal wedding reception (or whatever) across town,” making an appropriate exit an hour or so later.
If, on the other hand, you’ve grossly under-dressed, you might as well face it - you have no excuse and everybody knows it.
Here are some extra business party tips to help you out. Good luck!
———————-
Got a question or something on your chest? An opinion you’re just bursting to express? Maybe you’d simply like to share a slice of life from your own little corner of the world?
If so, here’s the place to do it! Tell me about yourself, your life, what matters most to you or what your dilemma is that you’d like me and other Home Front bloggers to help you with. Click here Send Debi Email. It’s that easy!
One Response to “From the Home Front Email Bag”
Leave a Comment
You must be logged in to post a comment.
May 30th, 2007 at 10:05 pm
Oh Debi, great answers.
Yes, learning to be alone comfortably is very important. (I see Tom Hanks in Cast Away)
Home cooked?? Try being sneaky. Send them for a walk and decant the store bought ready prepared meals, nuke and smile. But I want to try some of those crock pot recipes.
Don’t you sometimes wish we could bring back chastity belts?
Bathing suit? Who cares if you don’t have a perfect body? Do you like yourself in your skin? Claim sun-sensitive skin and wear an oversized tee shirt over whatever is comfy and shrug off complaints. The girls are all looking at that skinny gal down the beach showing off and the guys are also watching her, hoping parts of her suit will come off. No one is looking at you (or me!!). Ok, that’s a bit flip, but really - think about who YOU look at when you are out in that situation.
The dreaded command party dress code. Simple. Ask the Chief. Best advice ever.
This is fun. Have you got any more?
If I am out of line, please tell me.