Military Community, Spouse and Family Resources - Military Times

Mission Family: Go ahead, read that novel! It’s for everyone’s benefit

Holding a family together is challenging enough for a spouse when the service member is deployed to a war zone.

But you also may be volunteering in your family readiness group, working as an ombudsman or helping in other ways.

And many of you are employed in the helping professions — at family centers or child development centers. Half of all staff members in military child development centers are military spouses.

After eight years of deployments, it wears on you; you feel like you have little or no time for yourself.

But if you really do care about your family and the military community, you’ll make time for yourself. You have to get your mind and body away, even for short periods, to recharge.

“If you’re emotionally depleted, you have nothing to give,” said Lynette Fraga, director of military projects at Zero To Three, which has trained people at 12 installations and two military treatment facilities on the issues of trauma, grief and loss, and the need to take care of yourself.

It could be as simple as getting up a little earlier to read the paper, or meditating for 10 minutes — whatever makes you calmer. Some other examples:

• Taking a brisk walk in the morning or evening.

• Reading.

• Making art.

• Getting together with a friend for coffee and conversation.

• Writing in a journal.

The important thing, Fraga said, is doing something you want to do.

The training in conjunction with Zero To Three is designed to help recognize the signs of burnout and compassion fatigue.

“They tell them it’s OK to feel worn out,” said Barbara Thompson, director of the Pentagon’s office of family policy/children and youth. It also helps provide the skills and resources for refueling.

If you don’t want to think of it as taking time for yourself, think of it as taking time to recharge a battery for everyone else. You’re escaping with a great novel not for yourself, but for the good of the military community.

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Karen Jowers is the wife of a military retiree. E-mail her at kjowers@militarytimes.com.