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Honor among gamers

What’s the angriest you’ve ever been?

Many people, when asked this question, have to noodle for a few moments, but I know exactly what it was for me: We were playing “Halo” in the dorm during my freshman year of college — capture the flag, it was — and one of the guys on the other team parked a vehicle over the flag-return zone on their end of the map. We could run flags to the return area but we couldn’t score points, and in quick order, we lost.

I remember it very clearly. My vision swam; it became crimson-tinged. My innards quaked like a bellows. My plastic Xbox controller groaned as I tried to break it in half. They ... can’t ... DO ... that!

Of course, within the environment of the game, it was a perfectly legal move, using the same weapons, objects and physics the rest of us were using. But it was just ... wrong.

I don’t know about you, but for something that’s supposed to be enjoyable, I tend to spend a lot of video-game time really angry.

But it doesn’t have to be that way. If gamers followed some basic code — a shooter etiquette, as it were — multiplayer games would be more fun for everyone. This is a highly personal code, based on my subjective experience after years of video-game violence, but if it changes the behavior of even one poor sport out there on the servers, it was worth compiling.

I’m not holding my breath.

1. Camping is for the woods, not behind the other team’s respawn. Speaking of getting angry, there’s a map in “Rainbow Six: Vegas 2” where one team starts play inside a theater dressing room with doors on both ends. Knowledgeable jerks on the other team know how to position a player outside both doors to block you from getting out, opening them only to toss in grenades or open up with a machine gun. “Camping,” as it’s known — staying near where the other team enters the game and killing players as soon as they appear — is unforgivable.

2. Squatting and corner-hiding is pathetic. For all the bravado on the team-chat, let’s be honest here: There is no physical courage involved with killing other players in a video game. You’re not a hero. But that also means you’ve got nothing to lose by getting up from that isolated corner of the map, slipping out from behind that door and takin’ the rest of us on, face-to-face. There’s a bathroom in a map in “Call of Duty 4: Modern Warfare” called “Broadcast” — I can see the nods around the world from here — where the worst squatters ply their trade. A player with a shotgun can hide in a toilet stall and pick off other players as they walk past. Makes me sick just thinking about it.

3. Don’t kill players on your own team — even if they accidentally killed you. We’ve all done it: Your finger slips, you misjudge where a grenade is going to land and you frag your teammate. If you’re voice-chat capable, say, “Hey, sorry about that.” If you’re not, don’t do it again — even if the guy kills you. Let that be the end of it. I’ve seen intrasquad death spirals ruin too many matches (although when it happens to the other team, it can be pretty convenient.)

4. Don’t cheat. Seriously. We stick mostly to console games here at Military Times, but PC gamers have a special challenge all their own: trainers, cheats and other external ways to be invincible, fly, have unlimited ammunition, etc. This has gotten better over the years, but it’s no less reprehensible when it occurs. Back when I used to play “Delta Force II” obsessively on PC, people would sign on and explode 50 grenades over your head or use an invisibility cheat to get close enough to kill you over and over with a knife. It was enough to make a person want to quit and read a book.

5. Don’t block the area where the other team needs to return flags. Seriously! Shoot me, blow me up with a rocket, steal the flag back — do whatever you gotta do. But if you’re going to block off the flag-return, dude, I’m not even playing anymore.

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What rules are on your personal video game code of honor? Send us an e-mail at OFFduty@militarytimes.com and you could win a video game from the OFFduty stash.