Navy Jokes

[Pollywog]

A flashing message came back through the fog:
“You turn 10 degrees starboard. I’m a lighthouse.”



Hilarious.

[SailorDave]

Originally Posted by forcedj

It was a very foggy night at sea.
The skipper of a battleship saw the lights of another vessel approaching directly ahead.
He ordered his Signalman to send the following message on flashing light:
“Turn 10 degrees port.”

A flashing message came back through the fog:
“You turn 10 degrees starboard.”

Perturbed, the skipper sent his Signalman back out to send the following message:
“You turn 10 degrees port. I’m a Captain.”

A flashing message came back through the fog:
“You turn 10 degrees starboard. I’m a Seaman.”

Now the skipper was really furious. A Seaman will not talk to a Captain that way. He ordered his Signalman back out to send the following message:
“You turn 10 degrees port. I’m a battleship.”

A flashing message came back through the fog:
“You turn 10 degrees starboard. I’m a lighthouse.”


Dan

Actually, the lighthouse would also need to turn to starboard. If it turned to port, it would run directly into the battleship. Vessels make every attempt to make a port to port transit.

[93CORVETTE]

Originally Posted by sweetvanity

What happens when 100 sailors go underway on a sub?
--50 couples come home.

I can tell you for a fact that is a False statement. We never had more than 38 couples come back up. There are always some fights and breakups.

[LOAL-D]

Originally Posted by 93CORVETTE

I can tell you for a fact that is a False statement. We never had more than 38 couples come back up. There are always some fights and breakups.

Praise the Lord, Dude that's funny!...

[CWBYSAILOR]

There is a sailor using the head. A marine walks in as the sailor is leaving. The marine says to the sailor "in the corp we were taught to wash our hands after using the head". The sailor chuckles and says to the marine " in the navy we were taught not to piss on our hands".

[ElectricElvis]

Originally Posted by SailorDave

Dude, really. Those are quotes, not jokes. And very few have anything to do with the Navy.

Maybe so, but many of them are quite amusing!

(ok, so maybe it's easy to make me laugh, but I count!)

[Pollywog]

Originally Posted by CWBYSAILOR

There is a sailor using the head. A marine walks in as the sailor is leaving. The marine says to the sailor "in the corp we were taught to wash our hands after using the head". The sailor chuckles and says to the marine " in the navy we were taught not to piss on our hands".

Bwahahaha! Thanks for that one. Almost shot Mountain Dew outta my nose.

[Pollywog]

http://www.strategypage.com/humor/ar...0807011213.asp

Click here for the new US Air Force demonstration team photo. Pretty funny guys.

[Pollywog]

During a commercial airline flight a Navy pilot was seated next to a young mother with a babe in arms.

When the baby began crying during the descent for landing, the mother began nursing the infant as discreetly as possible.

The pilot pretended not to notice and, upon debarking, he gallantly offered his assistance to help with the various baby-related paraphernalia.

When the young mother expressed her gratitude, the pilot responded, "Gosh, that's a good looking baby...and he sure was hungry!"

Somewhat embarrassed, the mother explained that her pediatrician said nursing would help alleviate the pressure in the baby's ears.

The Navy pilot sadly shook his head, and in true pilot fashion exclaimed, "Damn! And all these years I've been chewing gum."

[Pollywog]

An air force officer arrives in heaven. St Peter asks him if he has ever done anything in his life that he believes makes him worthy of admittance to heaven. The officer flyboy replies; yes, I once went into a bar with four of my pilot friends and saw two Seabees harassing a young girl at the bar, so being a gentleman I went up to the biggest one and told him to leave this young lady alone. When he refused I told him again more forcefully. This time I slapped him across the face and told this Seabee to stand down. St Peter said this was a very good thing to do and asked when the pilot did this great act. The pilot replied; about 5 minutes ago! My friends should be here shortly!