Kevlar for the Mind: Don’t tolerate bullies – steps you can take - Military Health, military health and wellness, military physical fitness - Military Times

Kevlar for the Mind: Don’t tolerate bullies – steps you can take

Q. I was recently commissioned as a second lieutenant in the Marine Corps. Now I’m being harassed by a major in my unit. He likes to ridicule me in front of others and cracks jokes about me when I’m not around. I’m not sure why he doesn’t like me. I have done nothing to him. What can I do?

A. I have interacted with countless bullies during my careers as a psychologist and a military officer. Experience has taught me that in almost all cases, the person being harassed did nothing to deserve being the target of crude and infantile behavior. In actuality, it is typically some personality defect or intense sense of powerlessness or misery on the part of the bully.

It’s unfortunate that this topic keeps coming up. During my two years of writing Kevlar for the Mind, I have dedicated two previous columns to the topic. But it isn’t surprising considering how common harassment and bullying are in the military, both in the NCO and officer corps.

During my time in the Army, I was involved in two situations of abuse of power. In one case, a major attempted to marginalize me by forming alliances with other officers in the unit. When I attempted to confront her with her behavior, she lacked the insight to appreciate how her actions were affecting me.

During my second deployment to Iraq, two majors in a unit with known disciplinary problems filled their free time by pulling me out of my clinic where I counseled soldiers so I could run errands for them around base.

Being the victim of harassment and bullying is never acceptable. It may seem like your options are limited and that you are helpless to counteract the behavior, but there are things you can do. It would be disingenuous of me to say that they all work or will work for you. But if you don’t try, then you have zero chance of improving your situation.

• Set limits on what you’ll tolerate. From time to time, we all have to put up with difficult bosses. Decide when he’s crossed the line and take the next step.

• Tell the bully how his or her behavior is impacting your work. In some cases this is all that’s needed. The bully may be embarrassed about making you feel this way or will back off out of fear that you’ll be courageous enough to report him.

• Document the behavior. Write down what you feel is inappropriate. Include detailed descriptions of the behavior as well as days, times and who was present. This prepares you for the last step.

• Report him to his superiors. In most cases, it doesn’t have to come to this. If it does, don’t hesitate. I understand that this may be easier said than done. But if you’ve exhausted all possibilities of handling the bullying yourself, use the military’s open-door policy.

Bret A. Moore is a clinical psychologist who served in Iraq and is the author of “Wheels Down: Adjusting to Life after Deployment.” Click here to email him. Names and identifying details will be kept confidential. This column is for informational purposes only. Readers should see a mental health professional or physician for mental health problems.