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Kevlar for the Mind: Coping with the guilt of taking a life

In the movie “Unforgiven,” Clint Eastwood said, “It’s a hell of a thing, killin’ a man — you take away all he’s got and all he’s ever gonna have.”

Indeed, killing is not as simple as snuffing out a cigarette, as it is portrayed in television and movies. It’s an event riddled with emotional, moral, social and religious implications that every service member potentially faces.

In the past, troops serving in support roles were less likely to face this inherently distasteful task of war. Today, however, front lines are blurred and battlefields have360-degree perimeters that need defending at all times. Consequently, anyone at any time may be called upon to act as an infantryman or a rifleman.

Taking another’s life in combat can bring strong emotions to service members. One is guilt. At some point in your life you have experienced guilt; it’s part of the normal human experience. However, if unchecked, guilt can lead to more serious problems, such as depression and substance abuse.

The good news is that the guilt of taking a life can be managed with time and effort. Here are a few things you can do:

• Acknowledge the guilt. As with alcoholism, the first step is to acknowledge that there is a problem.

• Challenge any negative beliefs you have about the killing. How you interpret an event affects how you feel and behave. Maintaining negative perceptions about the killing only fuels shame and guilt.

Don’t be afraid to challenge negative beliefs such as “I’m a killer/murderer,” “God will never forgive me” or “Something bad will happen to me because of what I did.” Instead, think: “I was doing my job,” “He would have killed me” or “I was able to save my comrades.”

• Talk with other combat veterans who have experienced killing. Ask them how they got through it. Tell them how you feel and how it has altered your life. Allow them to help “normalize” this event for you. Remember, you’re not the first person to take a life in combat. Accept that it’s part of war and move forward.

• Talk with a chaplain, minister, priest or other spiritual leader. Taking a life has profound religious and moral implications for service members. Rely on your unit chaplain or personal spiritual leader to help you navigate this difficult issue.

You are a warrior. You are trained to defend your country and have pledged to do everything in your power to see that the rest of us are safe. Acknowledge what happened, be proud that you did your job, and sleep well knowing that a grateful nation is safer for your sacrifices.

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Bret A. Moore is a board-certified clinical psychologist who served two tours in Iraq. He welcomes your thoughts on this topic. E-mail kevlarforthemind@militarytimes.com. Names and identifying details will be kept confidential. This column is for informational purposes only and is not intended to convey specific psychological or medical guidance.