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Kevlar for the mind: Ensuring friend’s safety trumps all

Q. I’m a squad leader and one of my troops has problems with his girlfriend. Last weekend he called me after getting into a big fight with her and said that he doesn’t think he can live without her if she leaves. Is this considered a suicide threat? I ended up telling our first sergeant, who took him to the chaplain. Now I feel like I let him down by betraying his trust.

A. I understand your concern. However, ensuring the safety of one of your troops always trumps the desire to preserve the supervisor/subordinate relationship. Determining whether a person is suicidal is not always clear-cut. In some cases, the person may come right out and say, “I’m thinking about killing myself” or “I want to die.” Other times, the message may not be so clear. The person may make comments like “I feel hopeless” or “Life is not worth living without her.”

It’s not your job to figure out if a person is truly suicidal. Your responsibility is to make sure you take the person’s comments seriously and direct him to someone who can help, such as a mental health or medical professional, chaplain, or someone within the chain of command. In most cases, your troop will thank you later.

Everyone should know these warning sides for suicide:

• Always talking, thinking or writing about death

• Persistent sadness, loss of interest in activities and loss of appetite

• Engaging in risky behavior, such as driving fast or using drugs

• Making comments about feeling hopeless, helpless or worthless

• Giving away prized possessions

• Calling people and saying goodbye

• Withdrawing from friends and family

If you know someone exhibiting these symptons, call Military OneSource at (800) 342-9647 or the Veterans Affairs’ suicide line at (800) 273-TALK (8255).

Q. My friend has been drinking more lately, and I am starting to worry about him. He’s been late to formation several times this month and is getting drunk most weekends. He almost went to jail recently for getting into a fight at a club when he was drunk. Is my friend an alcoholic? What can I do to help him?

A. Your friend’s behavior is concerning. Signs typically associated with alcohol dependence include the need to drink more to get intoxicated, drinking more than planned, and difficulty stopping or cutting down. In comparison, alcohol abuse is a pattern of drinking that causes the person to neglect obligations at work, home or school, or engage in dangerous behaviors such as drinking and driving; and results in legal problems.

It’s impossible to know if your friend is dealing with alcohol dependence or alcohol abuse without an in-depth evaluation from a mental health professional. A good first step in situations like this is to refer the person to his local substance abuse or mental health department on post.

Bret A. Moore is a board-certified clinical psychologist who served two tours in Operation Iraqi Freedom. E-mail him questions at kevlarforthemind@militarytimes.com. This column is for informational purposes only and is not intended to convey specific psychological or medical guidance.