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Kevlar for the Mind: Anger needs to be kept in check

Do you get upset at every little hassle that crosses your path? Do most of your conversations tend to be about the stupidity of other people? Have you noticed your friends and family spending less and less time around you?

If you can answer yes to any of these questions, you may have too much anger.

Uncontrolled anger has negative interpersonal, social and physical consequences.

Examples of negative interpersonal consequences include getting kicked out of your house and being stuck on your friend’s couch for a week or being uninvited to next year’s Thanksgiving dinner.

Anger that is not kept in check will put tremendous strain on relationships with your spouse or significant other, family and friends. People can handle only so much complaining, bickering and poor attitude before they start to ask, “Is it worth it?” Once you head down this road, it can be tough to get back on track.

The negative social consequences could be even more serious, such as jail time for getting into a bar fight because someone looked at you funny or throwing an empty bottle at a car that cuts you off on the highway.

Then there’s your physical health. You don’t need to be a doctor to know that anger causes stress and tension, which can lead to headaches, stomach pain, insomnia, depression, anxiety, skin rashes and high blood pressure. In extreme and chronic cases, uncontrolled anger can lead to a heart attack or stroke — yes, it can kill you. It can also lead to increased alcohol and tobacco use, which creates other problems.

The good news is that there are ways to deal with your anger. Here are a few:

• Change the way you think. How we think about an event determines how we feel and behave. If your girlfriend goes out of town to visit her sister, how different would you feel and behave if you said to yourself, “She doesn’t get to see her sister much. It’s nice she has a chance to spend time with her,” versus, “I wonder if she is going to see another man.”

• Avoid situations that make you angry. This is the easiest one. If you know something or someone makes you angry, try to stay away from that something or someone.

• Problem solve. The military has taught you how to do this. Use it to control your anger. The standard approach is 1. define the problem; 2. generate possible solutions; 3. evaluate potential solutions; and 4. implement the preferred solution.

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Bret A. Moore is a board-certified clinical psychologist who served two tours in Iraq. He welcomes your thoughts on this topic. E-mail kevlarforthemind@militarytimes.com. Names and identifying details will be kept confidential. This column is for informational purposes only and is not intended to convey specific psychological or medical guidance.