We all like to make New Year's resolutions. Usually, they involve doing and being more. Perhaps this year, you can resolve to actually go the other way — and scale things down a bit.

It's about communicating and prioritizing. Too often, we find our lives are stuffed with too many things to do, in too little time.

Panelists at a recent leadership luncheon sponsored by the National Military Family Association discussed their views and efforts to achieve "work-life balance," in the context of military life. All the panelists were women — including an Army general, two military spouses, and a filmmaker who has produced several military films. But all stressed that work-life balance is not just a women's issue.

"Men also want that balance," and it's important to include them in the discussion, said Lt. Gen. Flora D. Darpino, the Army's first female judge advocate general. She has this discussion with male officers, too.

Darpino doesn't consider work/life to be separate things. "I love what I do," she said. "It's not like living is one side and working is another. There's one bucket — my life — and I love it. I've got to figure out what goes in the bucket that I'm going to carry. That might be having dinner with my kids every night."

She and her husband, an Army officer who retired about a year ago, have achieved that balance together. "I couldn't do this without my husband," she said. Early on, they sat down and discussed what was really important to them to do in their daily lives, and how to get that done. For example, food is important, so they'd plan meals and prepare them on weekends. For some other things that weren't as important, she said, they'd "let them go."

The family also made decisions about where to live with an eye toward their family life, she said. "A really big house? Not important. It's how long my commute would be, and when the kids were little, the nearest playground. ... There were different things at different times."

Lakesha Cole, a Marine Corps wife and business owner, said: "At my house, takeout happens." And her 9-year-old daughter often accompanies her to work — one of the many flexible benefits of being an entrepreneur.

"It's not just my career and home life, it's my husband's career and home life," added Reda Hicks, an Army wife and attorney. They, too discuss what's important, and how those things are handled between the two of them.

"When communication is lacking, that's when balance is out of whack," Hicks said.

For these women and their husbands, communication is the foundation that leads to balance in their lives.

While technology has been a boon for communication, it can also be a detriment. Hicks and Cole said they try to set boundaries, but their children will let them know when they may have slipped outside those boundaries and remind them they need to just park their phones. Cole's daughter occasionally has hidden her phone charger.

These military families are busy, but they've found ways to prioritize some things and let others go. Is spending the time vacuuming to emulate your mother's spotless habits really what you and your family want? Or is working a puzzle with your child a more important activity in the long run? If you haven't talked about your priorities and other family members' priorities, you might be surprised at what's unimportant. If you let that go, would it improve your life and the lives of your family members?

Something to think about as the new year gets underway.

Karen has covered military families, quality of life and consumer issues for Military Times for more than 30 years, and is co-author of a chapter on media coverage of military families in the book "A Battle Plan for Supporting Military Families." She previously worked for newspapers in Guam, Norfolk, Jacksonville, Fla., and Athens, Ga.

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