Bored military personnel under quarantine in Japan are reportedly prepared to risk it all in the name of coitus.
That venereal sentiment was discussed this week during a live-stream interview with USFJ Command Chief Master Sgt. Richard Winegardner Jr., who told the American Forces Network that newly-arriving service members placed in the 14-day restriction of movement period have been using Bumble and Tinder in their pursuit of “hooking up with folks.”
“We’re seeing some folks that ... are like, ‘OK, I’m in here but I can just kind of sneak out,’” Winegardner said in the message, which was first reported by Stars and Stripes.
Without furnishing specifics, Winegardner was adamant that severe restrictions currently placed on base access for guests should never serve as a catalyst for troops to embark on covert sex ops.
Reckless behavior like that, he said, creates significant risk in terms of contracting COVID-19 and spreading it among the ranks.
“Wow, big surprise when you are bringing that stuff back,” he said. “Service members are getting popped left and right for going to places that they don’t belong, in areas that they don’t belong.”
The apparent inability of service members to exercise two weeks of abstinence is reminiscent of a level of anticipation not seen since the long-awaited return of Colonel Angus to Shady Thicket.
No matter the hormone-fueled urges of those in uniform, Winegardner made clear that those in violation of current restrictions could face immediate retribution in the form of demotions and extra duty. Additionally, personnel who bring COVID-19 to installations through gross negligence could find themselves on the receiving end of a $5,000 to $7,000 fine.
“What is coming to you, I’m glad, because these are the things that are endangering us,” he said. “I know commanders are getting upset with the lack of adherence. Commanders are starting to get real serious about this.”
The head of U.S. Army Garrison Japan, Col. Thomas Matelski, echoed Winegardner while acknowledging the spike in personnel sightings in off-limits locations throughout Tokyo.
“It seems like a few members of our team are starting to lose focus,” Matelski said, adding that indifference toward current regulations would result in “quick and appropriate action.”
Swiping left on sexual distraction while keeping eyes turned toward the mission has proven difficult, though, especially when “love looks not with the eyes, but with the mind, and therefore is winged Cupid painted blind.”
The message is clear: Troops have lost their reason, cause it’s the season, for making whoopee.