This is not a political note of any sort and will not address recent allegations, criticisms, or irreverent praise. This is, above all else, an acknowledgment of one politician’s desire to produce one of the most horrifically cringeworthy films since Tommy Wiseau’s tour de farce “The Room.”
Even if former Navy SEAL and current Congressman Dan Crenshaw, R-Texas, is your greatest friend — hell, he could be your child’s godfather — this level of uninhibited narcissism should not go unchecked.
A way-too-long skydiving sequence, a British guide for some reason, antifa actors who look more like rent-a-operators, super powers, and more — “Georgia Reloaded” has it all.
Of note, Georgia is the second state Crenshaw is reloading after he previously reloaded Texas in September. Perhaps hitting targets the first time would eliminate the need for reloads, but alas.
Watch for yourself. That is, if you can make it through all three inexplicably long minutes of distress.
If there’s one thing that will save America, it’s sinking time and money into self-fellating vignettes that resemble a ménage à trois spawn of “Mission Impossible,” Marvel, and public access television.
“Watched this twice now. I was sure it must be an SNL or Comedy Central skit,” wrote Tony Thomas, the 11th commander of Special Operations Command who headed the outfit while Crenshaw was in uniform. “Nope, just the base(r) level our political environment slips to with each succeeding day. There is a reason 100M people opted not to vote again this year. Embarrassing.”
At one point in the clip, a parachute-ditching Crenshaw executes an unblemished one-knee superhero landing on the car of his antifa enemies — you know, other Americans — which, according to Wade Wilson, can pose severe detriments to the health of your knees.
It’s 2020. We all know the days of humility in uniform are a thing of what feels like the ancient past, but this takes “Thank me for my service” to stratospheric heights.
“There are so many bizarre things about this commercial but I want to know why you’re taking instructions from a woman with a British accent to get to Georgia,” noted former FBI special agent and current Yale faculty member Asha Rangappa.
Walter Shaub, the former director of the U.S. Office of Government Ethics, also chimed in.
“Bahahahahahaha,” he explained. “You’re such an embarrassment.”
Belong to the political party of your choosing, but make disdain for poorly-produced ostentatiousness bipartisan. Otherwise, we’ll find ourselves in danger of eclipsing the previously unmatched cringe elicited by Iranian navy, Moses-parting-the-seas propaganda.
J.D. Simkins is a writer and editor for Military Times, and a USMC veteran.