It started with a Netflix show, followed by the release of an absurd motto and all-too-familiar logo, and now, we have a list of names that members of this nascent branch could have been called before Space Force ultimately landed on calling them “guardians.”
Though I could wax poetic all day on the hilariousness that 16,000 men and women tasked with guarding our galaxy, probably to infinity and beyond, a list obtained by Politico reveals that their title could have been much, much cooler, with names that rival even the likes of the United Kingdom’s Boaty McBoatface.
Here are some that we believe deserve a second look.
Is there a more inspiring space hero than Chewbacca? He’s loyal, flies like no other pilot, and has a sense of humor so advanced that he doesn’t even need to speak English to make you laugh. Plus, wookiees have hair so luxurious, most of us only dream of locks like that.
Clearly this is a play on popular meme culture, but considering we as a society rely on memes to understand everything from politics to complicated math, it seems like a fitting name. When you’re working in a contested environment that lacks gravity, what could you be other than a FloatyBoi?
Though the origin of this name is more like a royal horseman, paintings of cavaliers look more akin to those of pirates. And who wouldn’t want to be a space pirate? Is there anything cooler than the idea of plundering the deepest depths of the galaxy? Imagine swashbuckling through space. Does anyone know what swashbuckling even means? I don’t, but it sounds cool — space cavaliers brandishing laser swords and taking out aliens.
I have a soft spot in my heart for this one. In full disclosure, my dad wanted to name my brother Jean-Luc Sicard, so I personally think that there are enough Star Trek fans out there that would love nothing more than to see their moniker used so officially. Plus, it would just make sense considering the direction things went with the Space Force logo.
This isn’t the best, funniest, or most creative name; however, if the uniforms evoke the spirit of Sir Elton John, we’d be on board. Plus, maybe we could even convince him to give Space Force the rights to “Rocketman” to be the branch’s offical song. Just imagine holding your hand over your heart, crooning:
“She packed my bags last night pre-flight
Zero hour 9:00 a.m.
And I’m gonna be high
As a kite by then
I miss the Earth so much
I miss my wife
It’s lonely out in space
On such a timeless flight
And I think it’s gonna be a long, long time’
Til touchdown brings me ‘round again to find
I’m not the man they think I am at home
Oh, no, no, no
I’m a rocket man
Rocket man, burning out his fuse up here alone...”
Talk about a hauntingly beautiful image. Semper Supra.