When I was 18, my family went out of town and I threw a house party that resulted in a lost cat, a bubble party in my parents’ jacuzzi and last, but certainly not least, a tiny, Sharpie-drawn penis on the wall of the garage.
My dad, a Navy pilot, found it so funny that he decided to leave it there until my parents sold the house a decade later. His appreciation for phallic drawings, I can only assume, is a vestige of his time served.
“I think that’s a military tradition that goes back further than anyone can remember,” veteran and morale patch connoisseur Dan Santoro told Observation Post. “You’ll see like old things like on Hadrian’s Wall. There’s a dick drawn on it.”
Santoro, who spent six years as a crew chief in the Air Force, now draws phallic morale patches and recently released a book titled “PATCHES (WITH GENITALS ON THEM),” which can be purchased on his site.
“I think I’m just another guy in the long line of military dick-drawing traditions,” he told Observation Post.
Santoro now fixes microscopes for a living, but likes to doodle as a hobby.
“I don’t like to spend too much time on things, because I get bored really easily, so that’s why most of my stuff is just tiny little drawings,” he added.
That habitual talent translates perfectly to the morale patches he so hilariously desecrates. His instagram, @PizzaStrike, is positively brimming with organ-endowed patches.
“At first, it started off just as beer money — that’s all it was,” he said. “Then it kind of grew a little bit. Now I’m just setting money aside and I don’t know what I’m gonna do with it. But it’s there. I just keep making dumb things.”
The book comprises 69 of Santoro’s favorite patches — naturally — featuring everything from a motorboating eagle to an “embrace the suck” patch that bites off a little more than it can chew, literally.
“I just kind of assembled everything and went, ‘Yeah, that’ll be good. That’ll be good,’” he laughed.
“Everything I do, I just wing it. I’ll just keep drawing and hopefully people keep coming in and looking at stuff. It’s awesome.”
Sarah Sicard is a Senior Editor with Military Times. She previously served as the Digital Editor of Military Times and the Army Times Editor. Other work can be found at National Defense Magazine, Task & Purpose, and Defense News.