It’s a bizarre story that could not possibly happen to people from any other nation.
A hulking walrus attacked a small naval vessel last week belonging to Russia’s Northern Fleet during a research expedition in the Franz Josef Land archipelago in the Arctic Ocean.
The rubber landing craft was ushering members of the Russian Geographical Society from the tugboat Altai to shore when the vessel came a little too close to a few young walrus calves belonging to a protective mother, The Barents Observer reported.
During one landing “at Cape Heller, a group of researchers had to flee from a female walrus who attacked an expedition boat,” the Northern Fleet reported.
Russian military personnel were reportedly operating a drone near the walrus calves as well, which the mother did not welcome with open flippers.
The agitated mom made quick work of the vessel, dispatching it to a watery grave and sending its human occupants scrambling for safety.
As the carnage unfolded, the frantic walrus could be heard screaming, “I am the egg man, I am the walrus, Goo goo g’joob," battering the helpless vessel all the while.
It may have been the strong winds, but some mariners reported hearing a faint rendition of Fleetwood Mac’s “Tusk” throughout the ordeal.
Fortunately — or unfortunately, if you’re a PETA extremist — all members of the research team managed to reach the shore and escape the heroic blob unharmed.
All boats were subsequently removed from walrus territory to avoid additional embarrassment.
Female walruses can weigh upwards of approximately 3,000 pounds — or, about the size of a 2020 Honda Civic.
Goo goo g’joob.
J.D. Simkins is a writer and editor for Military Times, and a USMC veteran.