Upper echelon leadership in the British Army is reportedly set to institute a policy that would allow men in uniform to wear makeup.
The glamorous rule change stems from numerous complaints of military double standards that arose after orders for personnel stationed in Canada mandated — in a section on diversity and equality — that men in uniform not be allowed to use cosmetics, according to The Sun.
“As an inclusive employer that recognises the diversity of its personnel, we are currently in the process of revising our guidance in this area to make it gender neutral," a British Army spokesperson told The Sun.
It’s not the first time the Brits have adopted changes emphasizing a gender-neutral approach.
In 2017, the British military instructed its personnel to avoid using such gender-focused phrases like “sportsmanship,” “best man for the job,” “delivery man," and “forefathers.”
Anonymous sources talking to The Sun were quick to criticize the ruling — using extreme British vernacular — accusing top brass of wasting valuable time on a nonsensical topic.
“It’s bonkers — there are people [who] sat in a room talking about whether the Army should allow men and women to wear make-up.
"How many blokes are out there wearing make-up in the first place? You couldn’t make it up.”
“But bloke, is it really bonkers?” you’re inevitably asking.
Since the dawn of the safety brief, military tradition requires excessive time to be spent discussing topics with virtually zero application to anyone within earshot.
Well over an hour into the weekend brief, a battalion first sergeant is bloviating about how importing a silverback gorilla to keep as a barracks mascot does not, in fact, behoove anyone.
Depending on the language of this new makeup policy, a loose application of the rule could actually benefit morale.
Makeup has long been used as a means to intimidate an opposition.
Football players, professional wrestlers, and Scottish Mel Gibson have all employed it with devastating effectiveness.
Members of Jackie Moon’s Flint Tropics were less successful.
Why not give the easy, breezy, beautiful life a try?
“But sir, I always wear Gene Simmons-style KISS makeup in my spare time. I feel it is inappropriate to suggest I’m unable to continue my KISS Army lifestyle while proudly serving our great nation.”
Who are we to judge?
Jon Simkins is a writer and editor for Military Times, and a USMC veteran.