The terms flood news feeds everywhere.
Readiness. Lethality. Afghanistan. North Korea. Operational Tempo. Border caravan. Midterm elections. Acosta’s microphone. Kanye.
But now, from the smoldering ashes of hotly-contested 2018 SEO keywords emerges a new champion to dwell firmly on the tips of the tongues of top brass: military-funded rock bands.
Much like the nuclear arms race of the Cold War, the exceedingly pertinent race to produce the greatest quantity — but debatable quality — of military-funded musical numbers is upon us.
That’s because in a shocking development, Australia has thrown their hat into the ring of military rock fire, rolling out a smash hit so intense it nearly resurrected Ronnie James Dio from the silver mountain.
“On the Left” by Sisters in Arms debuted to thunderous reviews on YouTube, collecting over 40 likes within 48 hours while accruing nearly 600 thumbs down in the same time span. Powerful.
But don’t let the scintillating sounds of Sisters in Arms fool you — they’re not ready to make nice.
When they’re not conquering nations by raising their goblets of rock, the members of Sisters in Arms are busy delivering a little justice for all, taking down drug smugglers wherever they may roam at sea, flying intense seek and destroy missions and rolling around in M1 Abrams tanks, sending rounds downrange just to ensure everyone for whom the bells tolls gets enough lead in their diets before they fade to black.
Can’t you hear, can’t you hear the thunder? You better run, you better take cover.
These youth gone wild took a shot in the dark with this song, issuing an international challenge to come on, feel the noise, leaving bands across the world thunderstruck, but no, we’re not gonna take it.
Ensuring international dominance in the air, on land and sea may have been at the top of everyone’s to-do list before, but now, an avalanche of military resources are expected be extended to supremacy on the keyboard, G-chord and double bass, as the Founding Fathers of rock intended.
Have American tax dollars ever been put to better use? No, they have not.
Why hemorrhage cash for a 355-ship Navy or a 386-squadron Air Force when instead, it could go toward for 741 seconds of making a guitar gently weep sweet tears of freedom?
A swift response to such a challenge is expected. Save us, Max Impact. You’re our only hope.
Truthfully, that was 3 minutes and 45 seconds of pure agony.
Christian Bale’s character, Patrick Bateman, of “American Psycho” fame once said, "I want my pain to be inflicted on others. I want no one to escape.”
That’s what this felt like.
J.D. Simkins is a writer and editor for Military Times, and a USMC veteran.